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Power in D/s

Who has power in a Dominance/submission relationship? This is a discussion that I’ve been getting myself involved in a lot lately, and I’ve had a chance to really examine things I learned about this a long time ago. I think it is important to be able to state the reason for your beliefs beyond just “it is what I was taught.” If you cannot give reasoning beyond that, then you have knowledge, but no wisdom. So here are my thoughts on this. Take it for what you will, but it does play an important part in my overall philosophy of BDSM. So, in a Dominance and submission dynamic,

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Filed under: BDSM, D/s, Dominance, Submission

Why Limits and Safety Matter to Me

In a forum I am on, someone posted up a very important reminder. While the idea of public displays – leading your submissive on a leash, public nudity, public humiliation, etc – can be a powerful fantasy, the reality can bring with it consequences. When these things are done in a place that is not open/welcoming to BDSM, this can lead to arrests. Arrests can lead to all sorts of problems in the future. When it comes to things like public nudity or public displays, this can include sex-offender registries. You may think to yourself “I don’t care about that.” You will if in the future you find yourself in a divorce with children an custody is in question. Or if you are moving into a new home, that you … Read entire article »

Filed under: BDSM, Blogging, Dominance, Submission

Discipline – It’s What You Do

So, I talked a little bit before about Discipline and how I would handle, in one respect at least, punishments. I wanted to return to this topic because it is an important aspect of BDSM – it’s even part of the acronym. I certainly did not want to go very long without sharing some of my thoughts on Discipline, since my last discussion had focused on punishment so much. In BDSM, what is Discipline? Simply put, it is training. When we talk about training a submissive or training a slave, we are talking about Discipline. It encompasses all the rules that you set in place, the different protocols of your dynamic, and then what you use, positive and negative, to reinforce those protocols. When I have a submissive, I plan to have a very … Read entire article »

Filed under: BDSM, Discipline, Dominance, Submission

You Bad, Bad Girl

I wanted to get back to my thoughts about Submission and Respect. I’ve been thinking about the Discipline aspect of BDSM a lot lately, and punishment in particular. This might be something I come back to more, but I wanted to get down a few thoughts. So, what is Discipline? Outside of a dictionary definition, it is what I think of as the formal aspects of BDSM and D/s dynamics. So making rules and enforcing them, behavioral training, defining etiquette and enforcing it, etc. And I know that is very simplistic, but again, this is something I plan to come back to.

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Filed under: BDSM, Blogging, Discipline, Dominance, Submission

Why Can’t You Dominant Me?

I ran into a very interesting submissive online, and I had to share it here because … well because it ended up being a very good lesson for me to learn. Primarily, what to watch out for. The Set Up So, another Dominant asks her fellow female Dominants what specific challenges they face with submissives. I’m interested in this, since I have not chosen a submissive yet. It would be good to know the expectations a submissive will have of me as a female Dominant and what things can go wrong so that I can prepare. The Bait A submissive came in and declared the female Dominant to be a fairy tale because she had never met one who could effectively dominate her. Hook, Line and Stinker So, my first thought was that this was a submissive … Read entire article »

Filed under: BDSM, Blogging, Community, Dominance, Submission